i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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