Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
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