I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
