someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I had to cum in my sink.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
