I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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