you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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