I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
