Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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