You're a womanizer and a bitch.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
the day after is always just damage control
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
