Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
