I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
