Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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