I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
