Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
