JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
