Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
