apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
