we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
