10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
