you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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