Banned from zoo.
Again?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
