everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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