You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
