We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Randomize
