$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
