your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
