The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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