So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
