Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I've blown a few things in my day
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
