I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
