Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
