I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
