Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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