How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Randomize
