she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
