My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
