I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
