I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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