Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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