i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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