i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
A bitchslap is in order.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
