hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
