I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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