Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
