it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
