We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
