Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
