nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
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