I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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