Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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