Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
