I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
