I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
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