I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
