I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
