Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
