he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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