This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
